Okay, it’s honesty time. I feel like there is more out there for me. More than what I’ve got. And I’m not trying to sound entitled or selfish because I’m not talking about material goods. No, I’m talking about more. More from life or people or from myself. Just more. I can’t place a finger to it, but I feel like something is missing. And I suppose it should be. I mean, I’m still young – I should be feeling like there is something missing because if everyone were to go through life totally fulfilled by the age of seventeen then what is there to look forward to?
And something tells me that I’m not the only one. I think it’s safe to say that we’re all sinking in the same boat here. We’re all bored and desperate and waiting for something to happen. Waiting for life to get better. Waiting for something to change. Waiting for that one person to finally notice us. We’re all waiting. Sometimes I wonder if my whole life will pass by this way: me waiting in the shadows. Waiting for someone else to make it happen. Something new or different or crazy or amazing. I feel like I’ve been like this for so long. Floating along without much direction or conscious thought. Just reacting.
But we all need to realize that we have the power to make those changes ourselves. We can overcome our fears. We can make life into what we’ve always wanted it to be. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon. And maybe I’m already making some changes – I mean, if you had asked me a year ago, hell even a month ago, if I would ever consider blogging I would have told you flat out: no. That is, of course, after I finished laughing my ass off. Because I’m not a writer. I just want to write. It’s like once I get those obsessive thoughts out of my head, once they’re written down – or typed up – they’re somehow set free and I can move on. My point is that every time you do something you’d never, in a million years, thought you’d have the courage to do, you take one step closer to ‘soon.’
Now, I feel myself experiencing a change of heart. Maybe we shouldn’t be striving for that ever-evasive ‘soon’. Maybe it belongs in the list of four letter words we should never say. Because maybe it’s okay not to have the big picture, or know exactly where you’re heading. Maybe sometimes it’s enough just to know what you’re going to do next. Because we should always feel as if there is more out there for us. More to achieve, to discover, to understand. Because what happens if we did achieve everything we’ve ever wanted, discovered all there is and understood it all? If that day were to come, would we be settling? Would we even be able to? Think about it, you’ve spent all your life striving for that little piece more and what about when there isn’t any more left? What then? So, I think it’s okay not to have all the answers. All you really need is to have an overall goal – nothing specific and maybe not completely analysed to the last detail but just enough so that you can look upon it as an outline. Totally flexible and adaptable no matter what life throws your way.
And I know that some of you hoped to come across this post in an attempt to find a cure to your terminal boredom. Well here it is: READ. I love books. I like that the moment you open one and sink into it you can escape from the world, into a story that’s way more interesting than yours will ever be. And I’m not saying that to get you down, I’m just stating a fact. Books and movies will always seem more interesting than your life because…well, they’re fiction. The characters never have to deal with the mundane, no bad hair days, no inconvenient calls from nature (if you know what I mean) and no worries that it mightn’t end well. Because in the end, you always get the job, get the guy, or just plain get it all. Like I said its fiction. It’s one of those things in the universe that you shouldn’t waste time questioning, just accept it. Like coffee in the mornings. No one should be asked ‘Would you like some coffee?’ –Because some things you don’t have to tell. Some things – even between strangers – are understood. Otherwise, I will look you straight in the eye and say in my best are-you-serious? tone: ‘No what I’d really like is to go back to sleep but you can’t serve that in a nice steaming cup now can you?’