Admittedly, I have been experiencing a warped form of writer’s block – blogger’s block, if you will – and then it hit me. Write about what you know! Smiling to myself, I sat down to write, watching the blinking writing cursor thingy and coming to the devastating realization that I don’t know what I know. Because really, I know nothing. I guess that’s the problem with finally having a chapter close on you – the next page is new, unknown. You’re not entirely sure what to expect or whether you should expect anything at all, because like any new beginning, you start off with minimal – if any – knowledge. And that’s how I decided that this post would be about change.
I know, I know. Mind. Blown.
This summer is supposed to be about change for me. My Transitional Summer. A summer of adapting to what my life currently is while still reaching for all that it can be. The space between high school and university. Sweet freedom. Or so I thought. Granted, I’m only two or three weeks in but I feel my expectations deflating. Nothing spectacular has happened, I have yet to experience a life-altering epiphany, and I’m still the same person I’ve always been. Just once, I’d like to do something extravagant, something spontaneous, something significant. Some great event that I can put a finger to when I’m older and smile, almost ruefully, about my carefree and wild antics.
I guess that’s what change is. A thought. A wish. The mere acknowledgement that you want something different can set the motions for change. But, paradoxically, it will not enforce change. It’s simply a realization that you want change. Then the rest is up to you to do something about it. Otherwise, you’ll be left feeling unfulfilled, disappointed and hopelessly trying to battle the irritation of The Question.
Words are like people, I think. Put the incompatible ones too close together and they cause trouble. Yet, unlike people, you can’t just walk away from a word or a question. No, they will forever haunt your mind…reminding you that things could have been different, if only you had the courage to be courageous. But that’s the thing about ‘what ifs’; they don’t matter. All they do is remind you of the fleeting possibility of change. But they don’t actually change anything.