I yearn for…change. Any form of it. I just want to start living, because right now I just feel as if I’m waiting for death. And I’m too young to feel like this, too young to live with all this. I should feel liberated, irresponsible, carefree. But instead, I’m oppressed with thoughts of responsibility and consequences.
Edie Sedgwick once said;
“I want to reach people and express myself. You have to put up with the risk of being misunderstood if you are going to try to communicate. You have to put up with people projecting their own ideas, attitudes, misunderstanding you. But it’s worth being a public fool if that’s all you can be in order to communicate yourself.”
And if she were still around today I would say, ‘How, Edie, how do I do this? Because more times than not, almost everything is easier said than done.’
How do you express yourself with the prediction that you will be misunderstood? But at the same time, every cell in your being screams to you; don’t you dare conform for the sake of others! If you do, you will lose yourself.
Some may conform despite this internal revelation, and those few are bombarded with yet another revelation. They realize that the worst feeling in the world is not when you lose somebody else; it’s when you lose yourself. And once you lose yourself there’s no way to get it back. They say love is fleeting, but it’s not. Not really, anyway. You will always love someone, whether brother, father, mother, daughter, or friend. But your identity, your sense of individuality, your sense of belonging to self, is really and truly fleeting.